In the murmur of the sleepy teen conversation, I heard J use the word "douchbag."
Me: J, did you just say douchbag?
J: Sorry, Mrs. P.
Me: You can use the word if first you can tell me it's real meaning.
A, boldly: It's what you use to clean your vagina.
S: Well, you don't use the bag to clean your vagina.
A: No, the bag contains the stuff you use.
Me: Excellent. You may now use the word freely.
F, the boy junior, did not say a word.
So then I asked what a douchbag is in the street sense. These are what I gathered are some of a douchbag's characteristics--all news to me:
- They are lax bros--guys who play lacrosse.
- They wear tall/long dark socks.
- Their shirts are either polos or sleeveless pinnies.
- They wear either salmon-colored cotton shorts (like khakis) or long, brightly colored sport shorts. I wondered why salmon.
- They have nice hair they toss around. This is called "flow."
- They often wear their "snapbacks" on the front of their heads. A snapback is the sizing mechanism on certain caps.
- Douchbags are attractive. If you are not attractive, you are not a douchbag.
Me: F, I'm surprised you subscribe to this douchbagging.
F: I'm not really that committed to it.
I dropped them off and school and thanked them for such an enlightening morning. Then I pointed to a guy wearing salmon shorts, and they all gave me a thumbs up.
Note to readers: I do not plan to share this blog (or any) with my daughter, as I would like to continue to document such mornings, and I don't want her to shut down for fear that I will write about her on the internet. So no snitching!