The Douchbag

After going blog-dark for a little over a year now, I have been feeling eager to write again, and a few stories that need archiving (for entertainment in my old age) have recently transpired.  This one developed during today's carpool to high school.  The setting:  My car.  The characters:  One junior, a boy; four freshpeople, all girls; the driver, me. 

In the murmur of the sleepy teen conversation, I heard J use the word "douchbag." 

Me:  J, did you just say douchbag?
J:  Sorry, Mrs. P.
Me:  You can use the word if first you can tell me it's real meaning.
A, boldly:  It's what you use to clean your vagina.
S:  Well, you don't use the bag to clean your vagina.  
A:  No, the bag contains the stuff you use. 
Me:  Excellent.  You may now use the word freely.  

F, the boy junior, did not say a word.  

So then I asked what a douchbag is in the street sense.  These are what I gathered are some of a douchbag's characteristics--all news to me: 

• They are lax bros--guys who play lacrosse.
• They wear tall/long dark socks. 
• Their shirts are either polos or sleeveless pinnies.  
• They wear either salmon-colored cotton shorts (like khakis) or long, brightly colored sport shorts.  I wondered why salmon. 
• They have nice hair they toss around.  This is called "flow." 
• They often wear their "snapbacks" on the front of their heads.  A snapback is the sizing mechanism on certain caps. 
• Douchbags are attractive.  If you are not attractive, you are not a douchbag. 

J was the most passionate about the distinctions of a douchbag.  F, the boy junior, helped me understand what a snapback is.  

Me:  F, I'm surprised you subscribe to this douchbagging. 
F:  I'm not really that committed to it.  

I dropped them off and school and thanked them for such an enlightening morning.  Then I pointed to a guy wearing salmon shorts, and they all gave me a thumbs up.  

Note to readers:  I do not plan to share this blog (or any) with my daughter, as I would like to continue to document such mornings, and I don't want her to shut down for fear that I will write about her on the internet.  So no snitching!  

Vermont Quilt Show

My first visit to the Champlain Valley Quilt Show, which rivaled any collection of quilts I've ever seen--a spectacular show of folk art.  


Some of my favorites: 

Unleashed Emotions

After a particularly difficult evening with a bad-tempered Daughter (tired after a sleepover), Husband read this passage in Keith Richard's autobiography Life.  It made us laugh.  

"The power of the teenage females of thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, when they're in a gang, has never left me.  They nearly killed me.  I was never more in fear for my life that I was from teenage girls.  The ones that choked me, tore me to shreds, if you got caught in a frenzied crowd of them--it's hard to express how frightening they could be.  You'd rather be in a trench fighting the enemy than to be faced with this unstoppable, killer wave of lust and desire, or whatever it is--it's unknown even to them.  The cops are running away, and you're faced with this savagery of unleashed emotions." 

On so many levels, ain't that the truth. 

Sleepovers should be banished.